


heavens know this ain't it

by orphan_account



Category: Dream Daddy: A Dad Dating Simulator
Genre: Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Angst, Extramarital Affairs, Homophobia, Internalized Homophobia, Multi
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-06
Updated: 2017-08-06
Packaged: 2018-12-12 00:20:41
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,339
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11725608
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: Arguably, Joseph's world started crumbling down two years into his marriage with Mary.





	heavens know this ain't it

**Author's Note:**

> first dream daddy fic and im already making joseph fucking suffer wow this is fun
> 
> enjoy

Joseph realizes he's gay two years into his marriage with Mary. He realizes his lack of attraction to her, and suddenly all his longing glances towards other men made sense. He's a youth minister, sure, he's a Christian, sure. He knows if they knew he'd be kicked out, saying how he can't be gay and work there.

Mary doesn't express as much adoration to him as she used to do the first years of their relationship. She grows cold, and Joseph knows she doesn't like him that way.

"We can cover for each other," Mary tells him one day, and Joseph's eyes widen as she looks at him with raised eyebrows and a glass of wine in her hand. "A lesbian and a gay man, already married, makin' a family. Won't it be helpful for you as a youth minister?"

The meaning of her words strike Joseph then. She never seemed very interested in him, how she went home a bit too quick after their first few dates. Suddenly everything makes sense, and their dissonance, how the sex felt more like a chore, is more understandable.

Joseph gulps, trying to make a sentence that works. "Double beard, hm?" he jokes lightly, but he notices the way Mary's lips are pursed. "Our marriage can be open, then."

Mary's lips curve into a dry smile. She isn't happy or amused, Joseph knows this as she downs the rest of the wine in the glass. "Sure. Be sure to sleep with Robert if you want to."

"Was it that obvious?" Joseph murmurs under his breath, and he fixes his hair as he turns around. He wishes he could divorce Mary, share the custody of Chris (and the twins soon to be born), but he knows how the church will see it. Especially when he expresses his interest in men.

Mary laughs cruelly and she serves herself another glass of wine. Joseph decides he'll have to go to Jim and Kim's if he wants to find someone to love. He didn't expect for Mary to be a lesbian, although he should've seen it.

He feels a bit disgusting when he finds Robert in the bar, how he pushes him against the wall and kisses him, pulling his hair, plunging his tongue into his mouth. He remembers what he was taught when he was in school— it's a sin, it's wrong. He knows, he knows it's not true, but when he explores Robert's body he feels like he's a disgusting human being.

His brother passes through his memory; he doesn't know what's been of him since he got kicked out. He could be dead for all he knows. Robert digs his nails into his back; Joseph notices he smells of alcohol and cigarettes. "Robert," he breathes, and the older man shuts him up with a kiss.

"You're such a pretty boy, Joseph," he teases, eyes darkened with interest and attraction. Joseph pushes him off him and soon enough he's on top of him. "Hm?"

Joseph bites into his neck, and he decides to forget everything that comes from this loveless marriage. A lesbian and a gay man, pretending to be in love, having kids. Mary is pregnant with a girl and a boy— more kids to take care of, more things to pretend to be happy with.

"Run away with me," he says, voice raspy during the afterglow. "Fuck the youth group, fuck Mary," he continues. He knows he doesn't mean it, but his heart aches and he wants to pretend he's not too deep into his religion and his marriage to do something like that. "I want you."

"You want somebody to cling onto," Robert snaps at him, coated in sweat and eyes glinting menacingly. "I'm not going to 'date' you, Joseph." He makes air quotes at the word date, and Joseph sneers. "I'm not your coping mechanism for your failed marriage."

"It's not failed if we're keeping it just for the looks." He wants to say everything; Mary isn't straight either, his church wouldn't accept him. But he doesn't know if Robert would even understand. Of course he wouldn't.

Robert huffs and their lips meet again, angrily, violently, the rough-looking man's tongue meeting his, and he tries to forget everything that's wrong with his life.

When Joseph goes back to his house he has a pounding headache and Mary has a girl over. Chris is fast asleep in his room. Joseph yawns and goes to the sofa, stretching over it before falling asleep.

He goes to youth group. He talks to Robert, who seems a bit too reluctant to be more than sex for Joseph. He talks to other dads in the cul-de-sac, but he only sleeps with the other, older man. He isn't in love, it's infatuation if anything. Adultery is a sin, he tells himself after reading Bible verses to the group. Extramarital affairs are sinful.

He's a terrible person, a terrible Christian. Him not actually liking his wife only adds to the cake. He feels guilt wash over him as he sees Mary talk on the phone with girls he doesn't even know the name of.

"We should get divorced," he tells her a few weeks after Crish is born.

Mary sighs, drums her fingers against the table. Chris, Christie and Christian are at school, and Crish is sleeping in his crib. "Isn't your church so important, Joseph? Don't you care what they'll say?" she mocks, but he knows she's in as much pain as he is.

"I want to mantain a good image, Mary."

Mary huffs. "Your image matters more than whether I'll die of liver damage or not?"

Joseph knows she drinks too much, he knows she isn't doing anything to stop herself just as he hasn't done anything to stop her. "Mary, I can afford an addiction recovery program for you," he offers. He knows he would've done it earlier; he _should've_ done it earlier.

"Then why haven't you done it? Do you care, Joseph?" her questions are armor-piercing, and he knows he doesn't have any good excuses. Or excuses at all, really.

He grits his teeth. "I'm sorry."

"Answer me," Mary insists. "Did you ever care in the slightest?"

"I did!" he shouts although he isn't sure if he's saying the truth, and Crish bolts awake at him raising his voice. He gets up and is quick to coo at him, telling him it'll be alright before Mary barges in and breastfeeds him. "I'm so sorry, Mary. I don't... I feel guilty for being what I am. I should love you, be a good husband."

"You could be a good husband no matter whether you were gay or not, Joseph." The man raises an eyebrow at her. "If you cared you'd be a good husband. But you don't. You're still with me just to maintain your image."

Joseph doesn't sleep that night, and when Mary passes out in the sofa he runs to Robert's house. Robert doesn't offer him sympathy, doesn't ask him what's wrong. He doesn't think he deserves someone to be sympathetic with him.

"I love you," he tells Robert when he sits down next to him in the sofa, kissing his neck, and the older man pushes him away, his nose turned up.

"You can't do this." Joseph knows he isn't referring to sleeping with him. He's done that for too many years to count, and Robert has seem careless everytime.

Joseph tries to excuse himself, as he does everytime. He knows it won't work. "I'm trying to be a better husband, Robert, it's just so—"

"Tiring? Stressful? Overwhelming?" he interrupts him, voice dripping venom. His rough looks suddenly are a lot more threatening than usual. "Even if it was, you shouldn't run away from her almost every night just to sleep with me," Robert looks so goddamn upset it makes Joseph's guts turn.

Joseph sleeps in Robert's couch that night, riddled with guilt. He's always considered Robert a mess of a man— but he knows he's worse. Way, way fucking worse.


End file.
